Wherein a Mexican Ponders If Disney Really REALLY Loves Bears

(MINOR SPOILERS)

So there's this movie out, and it's called Brave.  You might have heard of it, and it was made by this little company named Pixar, which has churned out a few good movies.  It's also got backing by some company named Disney that seems to be kind of big on the animation business.  I mean, I think they're pretty big, there was some kind of fuss in regards to how big this movie was gonna be.

Not pictured: Nicky Cage's Sanity.

Brave, originally titled 'The Bear and The Bow' (Changed due to a number of reasons, but I'll get to that) during development, is Pixar's 13th animated feature, and much like any (every) Pixar film to date, it's gotten a lot of hype.  For starters, it's got a female lead, and it's Pixar's first foray into the fantasy genre.  Pixar was also forced to completely overhaul their animation software.  For a frame of reference, this hasn't been done in 25 YEARS, so that's saying something.  I got the chance to see this movie due to the good graces of a buddy of mine, who as of this writing I'm allowing to be made his bitch for taking me along for the ride.  As a plus, the movie was apparently also being part of a test run of Dolby's new Atmos system, which is currently only being used in 14 theaters in North America, and Burbank's AMC 16 was one of them.  I was understandably excited about this, as detailed in my Twitter account before the show (which you bastards should totally be following right now, if you're not already.  Shame on you if you're not.)

I have a personal bias towards Pixar, in that I'm of the mindset that even their weaker movies such as Cars and A Bug's Life, tend to be a great watch, and always in some way or another find a way to tug at the heartstrings.  The only one, and this is pretty much a universal truth, is the abysmal failure that was Cars 2, which to date has a dismal 38% on Rotten Tomatoes.  Still, we can't begrudge a phenomenal studio for cranking out one dud (well, we totally could, but we won't.  Well I won't, you can if you want to.  You ass.), especially when you look at their impressive line up of films.  The Incredibles is still my favorite of the bunch, only barely edging out Toy Story 3 on the merit that it appeals to my inner geek on every level.  That and the Hundred Mile Dash segment which still gives me a nerdgasm every time I watch it.  Toy Story 3 made me sob near the end though, a feat that has only been duplicated by The Lion King, ALSO done by Disney by some strange coincidence.  If you're guessing it's when the ever manly James Earl Jones falls and dies, and a furry, diminutive Johnathan Taylor Thomas try to wake up him?  Yup.  Right there.  27 years old and I still cry like a teenage prom date just after her first kiss from her manly, sexually adept boyfriend that night at that scene.

EVERY.  FUCKING.  TIME.

Pixar/Disney has always had the uncanny ability to play my heartstrings like a master harpist, Pixar in particular.  Their motto has been 'Story first' for the longest time, and even their shorts have made me pause to reflect on certain aspects of my emotional state, cracking off the crust of my horrendously calloused soul in little chunks.

Very small chunks.

I don't want to give away a lot of story points for the movie, for a number of reasons.  I'll start with the obvious:  Go see this movie.  I do recommend going to see it in theaters, and I take a very economical stance on my movie viewings.  If I had to pay for the ticket, I would still gladly do so.  Brave manages to hit a lot of strong points:  A strong story with compelling characters, beautiful; nay, GORGEOUS environments, and a soundtrack that is highly evocative of the Irish highlands.  At least I think it's Irish.  God I hope it's Irish, last thing I need is to sound racist on this blog of mine.

...Oh right.  I'm already one foot in the grave on that one.  FUCK IT, it's established.  Though Billy Connely and Craig Ferguson's presence in the film leads me to believe it's Scottish.  HELP.

I read somewhere that it took Pixar a nightmarish three years to develop the engine/software/rendering process/voodoo that was used for Merida's hair.  And it shows.  That one detail alone shows how committed the animation team was to the project.  Don't believe me?  Allow me to show you a sample.

Now, I really want you to LOOK at these images.  Really soak them in.  Just about every single strand of her hair is rendered with such painstaking detail it's nothing short of gorgeous.  And these are just minor GIFS.  If you've got a raging hard on for painstaking details (like I tend to) you'll understand how this is nothing short of an animation miracle.  The software was used to translate into other aspects of the movie, so really, it's pretty damn ground breaking.

That being said, Brave, for all it's amazing technological contributions to the world of computer animation, does leave me with some minor gears to grind.  Firstly, and I'm putting this out there because it really is pretty astonishing...  But what's Disney's deal with transformation?  I know that Pixar has been granted a large amount of autonomy from Disney (for good reason), but I can't help but think that some of their influence has bled over into Pixar's collective creative genius.

In Brave, one of the characters is transformed into a bear, which also happened in (duh) Disney's Brother Bear.  Jafar transformed from a human into a snake.  Ariel underwent 2, maybe 3 transformations in The Little Mermaid, Prince Naveen in The Princess and the Frog, and if we're including all the shrinking/growing that Alice in Wonderland did...

Is there something you're not telling us Disney?  There was pretty important attention paid to how pliant you made the bear butt behave.  Don't believe me?  Here's a partial video of just a small portion of the chicanery that Disney's animator's have gotten up to.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing, god knows that even animators have their vices, and hell, even a means to make them a reality.  It's just that knowing what I know now about the internet and people in general?  Well, let's just say that while I do admire (and am quite awestruck at the mind bending detail of it all) of these sequences in their own way, it's not hard to take that step into strange and head-tiltingly interesting sights.

My other issue is that for all it's glamour, Brave felt slightly incomplete, like there could have been more that could have been done with it.  Merida's role as the badass princess that'd make Joss Whedon blush was well established, and archery has always been a passion of mine that I wish I could follow through on.  Actually, pretty much all of the characters I felt were well enough defined for what they were.  Even the Gaellic jabbering son was likable in his own way, which is is kind of a shame because they weren't used enough I think.  There was mention of a curse, and how it'd tear apart the kingdom, but there was no real focus on that.  Hell the 'villain' could qualify more as a force of nature then an actual threat, though both are still deadly enough.

Still, I nitpick.  It's Pixar's first foray into the fantasy genre, and they do a competent job of it.  It's less of a story of grand adventure, and more of a tale of personal growth and advancement.  And I can appreciate that.  There's a central theme of 'facing one's fate' and taking command of it, and that resonates with everyone on some level.  That and learning to accept and embrace the things that your parents wish for you, and vice versa.  Coming from a somewhat caliginous relationship with one of my own parents, this struck a chord with me when Merida and her mother have their first real argument, one that really shows how bad things can get when you don't let yourself really communicate what NEEDS to be said.  The two of them could really have used Henry Kissinger to delegate at that point.

Delegate.  Negotiator. Balls deep in poontang.

The final prognosis is hard to rationalize.  On the one hand, Brave is story with a lot of heart and soul, gorgeous animation and enviroments, strong compelling characters, and a soundtrack to die for.  On the other hand, it's a story of familial discord and lessons that must be learned that's been seen a number of times before.  My initial judgement was a bit harsher than it is now, with the thought that it's one of Pixar's weaker movies.  Not a bad thing, unless we're talking the ass grenade that was Cars 2.  But  I left with the impression that Pixar was trawling the storyline bin a bit too liberally and went with something a bit -too- cookie cutter.  My stance has softened a bit since then, and I could enjoy the film again if I watched it, but it's still a somewhat egregious offender for storyline cropping.

Did I have a good time though?  Yes, I did, and I suppose that's what matters.  There aren't many movies I go to see in theaters (my last theater outing being Avengers which still gives me sexy shivers when I think about it.  I'm pretty sure the movie ravished me five ways from Sunday), so I prefer to see movies that are of exceptional quality.  If I could, I'd see Brave again, only this time WITHOUT the 3D gimmick.  I still get headaches watching movies in this stupid ass 3D shtick, and it's wholly unnecessary.  The colors were washed out and grainy, and there wasn't really anything that I felt NEEDED to pop out at me during the course of the film.  I was this close to tromping up to the projection booth and bitch slapping the attendant to put it in normal view, sans bullshit 3D.  I had this same discussion with my buddy Brandon in regards to Tintin, and we were pretty much in agreement:  STOP THIS HORSESHIT.

These are all minor complaints, if that even, and should be taken with a grain of salt.  You should still go see the movie, and expect the same level of quality and entertainment that Pixar has (mostly) provided with their films.  Plus, there was a rather lovely cosplayer for Merida who made a little girl dance about and giggle with joy at the sight.  And really, isn't that what this kind of thing is all about?  Making people smile and laugh, letting them forget about their troubles, making the fantastic real, if only for that fleeting moment?

Pictured: UNBRIDLED JOY.  Apparently she Tweets as well.

Sam Fernandez will be doing this writing bullshit at Cracked for a meager living soon, and he also has a Twitter that he posts highly irascible statements on.  He's also got a Tumblr that he has NO idea what to do with.  You should totally follow his escapades into faux journalism so you can be there to experience copious amounts of mirth.